“The Touch Experiment”

As a Whole Body Intelligence Therapist, I was happy to read the “Touch Experiment” an article written by Diana Spechler in Oprah Magazine April 2013. I was especially happy to see her highlight the power of touch from a physiological as well as emotional standpoint. It also proposed two important questions:

“Are we touch deprived and don’t even know it?”, and ” Have you ever heard the term, “7 hugs a day for positive self esteem?.”  

This article will get you thinking. 

Enjoy,
Amanda Snow

Read the full article here.

“The Touch Experiment” by Diana Spechler

Excerpt from Oprah Magazine April 2013. 

“Recently, on a crowded bus, I found myself pressed up so close to a stranger, our knees brushed…The air in the bus was humid, traffic was nauseatingly stop-and-go, and a woman near me was belting out ‘Don’t go chasing waterfalls’ at the top of her lungs. Off-key. It was a nightmare. And yet. There was the feeling of that man’s legs against mine, so oddly comforting that I experienced a profound urge to rest my forehead on his chest. I wasn’t attracted to him, but after my harried day I sure needed someone to lean on.

It was then that my journalistic curiosity kicked in- I wanted to find out if it was actually possibly to be ‘touch deprived’. My research led me to psychologist Matthew Hertenstein, PhD, director of the Touch and Emotion Lab at DePauw University. According the Hertenstein, touch deprivation is a real thing. ‘Most of us, whatever our relationship status, need more human contact than we’re getting’ says Hertenstein. ‘Compared with other cultures, we live in a touch-phobic society that’s made affection with anyone but loved ones taboo.’

Yet research shows that physical affection has measurable health benefits. ‘Stimulating touch receptors under the skin can lower blood pressure and cortisol levels, effectively reducing stress’, Hertenstein says. One study from the University of North Carolina found that women who hugged their spouse or partner frequently (even for just 20 seconds) had lower blood pressure, possibly because a warm embrace increases oxytocin levels in the brain. Over time, lower blood pressure may decrease a person’s risk for heart disease.

‘A hug, pat on the back, and even a friendly handshake are processed by the reward center in the central nervous system, which is why they can have a powerful impact on the human psyche, making us feel happiness and joy’, explains neurologist Shekar Raman, MD, based in Richmond, Virginia. ‘And it doesn’t matter if you’re the toucher or touchee. The more you connect with others- on even the smallest physical level- the happier you’ll be.’

With this advice in mind, I decided that for one week, I’d make it my goal to touch someone every day- in a noncreepy way- to see what I was missing. The most logical place to start was at home with my boyfriend. As Hertenstein told me, when it comes to touch, awareness is key; if I was distracted, I’d be less likely to reap the stress-reducing rewards. So before my boyfriend left for an overnight trip, I concentrated on how we held each other close as we said goodbye… Those few moments make me feel closer to him all day, as if we’d filled up on a hearty embrace, rather than snacked on a light hug.

In public, however, things were trickier. While Hertenstein had assured me that opportunities present themselves frequently, I had a tough time discerning when it felt right to reach out. But I got my chance on day two, when I accidentally stepped on the back of a woman’s shoe in line at the grocery store and she whirled around to me a dirty look.

‘I’m so sorry,’ I said, pausing to squeeze her wrist to drive home my sincerity. Her expression softened as she said, ‘No problem.’ It was a small gesture- and not nearly as awkward as I had imagined.

No  one wants to be stepped on, of course, but a warm touch, even if the other person isn’t prepared for it, can create an instant attitude makeover, says neuroscientist Michele Noonan, PhD.  ‘Touching someone while apologizing helps build a connection,’ she explains. ‘The sensation triggers the brain region called the insula, which is involved in emotional processing, and can help ease a person’s irritation in the moment.’

That night, when an old friend came over for dinner, I felt dissatisfied by our perfunctory hug hello. It seemed a shame that in light of my recent experiences, I greeted her with a squeeze that felt as if we were merely fulfilling a rote social obligation.

‘I need another one,’ I blurted out. My friend laughed nervously- she’s one of the least demonstrative people I know- but she opened her arms so we could embrace a few seconds longer. When we separated, she said, ‘You know what? I needed that.’ The hug seemed to unleash her: suddenly she was tearing up, telling me about how the man she’d been seeing had become distant- not calling, canceling dates. When she’d arrived at my apartment, her face hadn’t betrayed that anything was wrong, but that extra physical connection allowed her to feel safe enough to let it all out. Such a simple action, I realized, had conveyed deep meaning.

By the end of the week, I was touching friends, strangers, and coworkers more naturally, and all the contact was making me smile. There were no grand bear hugs or extended periods of hand-holding– but every touch felt like a little gift to the other person and to me. In fact, on the last day of the experiment, not wanting to be selfish, I asked my boyfriend for a massage. For his sake, of course.”

 

 

Diane Spechler is a novelist and freelance writer in New York City. Her work has appeared in The New York Times and GQ.